I'm often asked how I stay so positive and bring all of this good energy when I’m in my place of business. Truth is, I still have my moments but I just have learned how to deal with the stressful aspects of life in a more faith-centered approach.
With the help of my best friend, pastor, and therapist, I have been given a different perspective on how I approach all of my issues. So here’s how I reached this level of “peace” and positivity.
“This part is simple: whatever does not bring me peace, happiness, or affect my money or career, is simply ignored and not given much access to me.”
I have been in therapy, consistently, for well over two years now (going into three this October 2021). My anxiety and depression was so crippling for me that I knew I needed help. That level of self-awareness can start your journey because YOU KNOW when something isn’t right with the way you cope or the way you’re functioning through everyday life. Please understand that there is no shame in going to therapy no matter what family, “friends”, and what anyone says. I found a therapist that looks like me and can identify with the stress of being a young, African American woman in today’s world. She teaches me steps and has a treatment plan that has been so effective that I have been off of my anti-depressant medication for over a year now.
My best friend is the most calming person I’ve ever met in my life. It can be a high stress situation happening and he’s so cool and calm and can find a solution almost instantly. He’s a man of faith. So, whenever I would call crying, overwhelmed, and stressed out, he’d always break the conversation down so logically that it began to make so much more sense when I stepped back and looked at what was stressing me out. He’d ask two questions: 1. What can you control ? & 2. What can you not control ? When I began to actually answer the questions, I realized that the control freak in me that wants to have everything planned out, on time, and be perfect just isn’t logical and set me up for a many failures when it’s come to my life. He made me see that God is truly the only one in control and if I’ve already done my part, pray and wait on the rest.
I’ve talk about Pastor Mike Todd of Transformation Church quite a bit on my blog already but the man just makes so much sense and brings a lot into perspective when it comes to understanding my Faith and God. Last year (2020), he did a series sermon called (FU- Forgiveness University). There were two major points that made me change the way I viewed people: 1. Why do we take offense to everything and 2. Forgive everyone as you’ve already been forgiven. My oldest sister also pointed out: “At one point we’ve all done something that we’ve needed forgiveness for, so why would I not forgive?” Once I realized how much I was holding onto things people have done to me (and it’s been a lot) I began to feel so heavy, literally. So, in the same series, a pastor spoke about her husbands infidelity and how she was holding onto it. The way she “released” all of the “weight” was by making this statement: “I forgive this person (for the fact of how they hurt me) and whatever my feelings will not yet allow, the blood of Jesus sure will cover.”That same day, I wrote in my journal all of the people I needed to figure, no matter how big or small the offense, and I literally set it free. I felt instantly lighter. Now, it’s easy for me to forgive people and not take things so personal anymore. I’ve developed a nonchalant approach to negativity, truly.
This part is simple: whatever does not bring me peace, happiness, or affect my money or career, is simply ignored and not given much access to me. I do not wish to be around people or things that bring me nothing but negativity. Life is way too short to deal with people who do not genuinely care for your well-being or mental health.
Everything does not need a response. “Pick your battles” is something I’ve been told my entire life and it was not until I was older and more mature to know that everything does not warrant a response from me. The energy we tend to give to negativity is unnecessary and immature to say the least. People who continue to agitate and antagonize you are unhappy with themselves and their lives, again, eliminate those people from your life.
I have found that I have lacked boundaries my entire life (both giving and receiving) which made it harder as an adult to work on and change. So, I’ve been reading the book “Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself”, to practice setting healthy boundaries with everyone who comes into contact with me. I have to put in place a line that cannot be crossed so that I can keep my peace and sanity on a daily basis. I’m still learning this one, but I have been working tirelessly to do this in all aspects of my life.
So, though my journey is different from yours, I hope these tools/practices can help you get to begin your journey towards “peace” and happiness. I place peace in quotations because everyone has a different standard of what peace is to them. These are what have worked for me to get to the standard that I want to be at and something I have to practice daily.
Sending you love and light,